We all know what it is like to have a bad day and some people seem to have bad day after bad day after bad day. For me, today could potentially have been a bad day. I woke up tired. I didn’t get enough sleep and I had a headache, but I had some choices.
Sometimes we enter the day feeling grumpy or irritated. Maybe we ‘get out of bed on the wrong side’ or perhaps we spill our morning coffee and our self-talk turns a mild misfortune into an omen for the rest of the day. By saying to ourselves things like, “typical!” “just my luck” or “what’s next?”, we begin to prime ourselves for the imagined fight ahead. We greet the day with a “bring it on” attitude as we metaphorically raise our fists ready to throw a punch.
The primitive mind
In that frame of mind we believe that whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and now we are starting to lose control. We have entered our primitive mind, the part of our mind which is concerned solely with survival. In this state we stay on high alert with heightened anxiety and a ready angry response, to protect and defend ourselves should we need to. If we were still primitive humans – cave dwellers – it would be very helpful to be in that primitive mind because of poisonous snakes, wild boars and rival tribes, but we are not cave dwellers. Most of the time, we don’t need our primitive minds to step in and make our decisions for us. The problem is that once anxiety or anger take hold and we start to operate from our primitive minds, our perceived need to survive overrides everything else.
Now it begins to show in our behaviour. We snap at our family member when they do that annoying thing again. We get into our car and wave our fist or make a worse gesture at another driver. We get to work and immediately clash with our boss, who has also ‘got out of bed on the wrong side’.
Breathe
The thing is, we don’t have to be a slave to our primitive mind. We can choose a different path, and choosing starts with bringing it into awareness. Ninety to ninety-five percent of our daily decisions are made outside of our awareness. When we become aware of something, we bring it into consciousness. With consciousness comes the ability to create an intention followed by a decision. So, take a step back. Observe yourself. Watch your behaviour and watch your thoughts. Breathe. Breathe again. Stay with your breath.
Just stopping for a moment and connecting with what is can help you to detach from your primitive mind and to re-enter your intellectual mind: the part of the brain that innovates and finds solutions. It is this resource that has enabled humans to become so successful as a species. If you observe that your thoughts are driven by anxiety, your reactions driven by anger, then it’s up to you to decide if you would prefer to react differently to the world around you.
Take back your day
Maybe you started out thinking that you were having a bad day, but today is one of the precious days of your life. Are you willing to give it away to primitive responses that were designed to help you survive? Or will you say “No” to anger and anxiety, take back your day and make it good by withdrawing your focus from the irritants and instead noticing the things that lift you up? You’re in charge, and it’s your choice.
Rebecca Bartholomew, 13 March 2022
