As humans evolved, we learned to think. It is this ability – to think, to solve problems, to understand concepts and to innovate – that has made us the successful species that we are today. However, alongside all this advancement has come the problem of overthinking, and most people do not even realise that they are doing it.
When you want to put up a shelf, you gather your tools: drill, screwdriver etc. and you do the task. When you have finished you lay down your tools and do not pick them up again until you need them for some more DIY, whenever that might be. It’s not the same with thinking. If we can start to view our mind as a tool, to be used when we need it and laid down when we don’t, we will find that we are able to live happier, more fulfilled and more present lives. A squirrel prancing through an autumn park looking for nuts is not thinking. It is going about its business, preparing for winter, doing what it needs to do and living in the moment. When humans think, we are taking ourselves out of the moment and into either the past where we experience regret, or the future where we experience worry. In doing this, we are creating for ourselves a lot of unnecessary suffering.
Internal conversation
“Why did you let him get away with that?” you ask yourself, remembering an incident from last week, or last year, or even ten years ago.
“I don’t know,” you reply, “ I should never have taken that from him.”
“I know what you should have said to him,” you retort. “ You could have given him the best put-down.”
“I wish I had said that to him at the time.”
And so it goes on. Or, if you’re thinking about the future, the dialogue might go:
“What if it doesn’t work out? All that time and money would be wasted.”
“And you’ll look like an idiot too.”
“Oh, no! Imagine what Sheila over the road will think. She’ll be beside herself.”
“She’ll love seeing you fail.”
“Tell you what, why don’t we have a cup of tea and watch tv for a while.”
“Good idea. We can start tomorrow instead.”
Does it sound familiar?
Then we wake in the night and the thinking starts up again, sometimes keeping us awake for hours. A significant part of the unhappiness in our lives is generated by this negative, destructive mind activity.
Understanding the voice
Eckhart Tolle who wrote The Power of Now stated that he was unhappy as a child. At the age of 17 he read a book which explained negative self-talk. He understood for the first time that his mind was mainly negative. He noticed that he had a phrase in his head that he would repeat. The phrase was, “Of course. Bad things always happen to you don’t they?” With the sudden awareness of his stock phrase, Tolle was able to begin his journey towards enlightenment and becoming a spiritual teacher.
What phrases do you have in your head? Sometimes they are hard to tune into but if you are able to notice when you get carried off to an emotional response, then track it back to the mind activity that preceded it, you become aware of certain repetitive thoughts that recur in your mind frequently. You may realise that “I’ve had this thought for years. It comes again and again and again” and you can develop and observing presence with the ability to know that there is a voice in your head and to appreciate that, while some of the things it says are helpful, a lot of what it says is not only unnecessary but it makes your life more difficult.
The self-talk is often easier to spot in others and you can practice noticing it in friends or family. Whenever you see Aunt Joan for example, you know what she is going to say because it’s the same thing she said last time you saw her, and the time before that, and every time you’ve seen her for the last 30 years. It gives you an insight into the voice in her head, and maybe she will be able to point out to you some of the voices in yours.
In your subconscious
The subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is happening in real life, and what your mind is imagining. So, self-talk is accepted by the subconscious as real and true. When you have angry thoughts, your subconscious mind prepares you to fight and you might notice your jaw and your fists clench and your muscles tighten, ready to spring, and a rush of adrenaline. When you have fearful thoughts, your subconscious mind believes that you are in danger and the physical symptoms of anxiety will intensify: a release of cortisol, increased heart rate, sweaty palms, churning stomach. Sometimes the symptoms become so severe that the person experiences a panic attack. When these responses happen day after day, a person’s overall health and wellbeing is compromised. If you have too much adrenaline and cortisol consistently, your body will suffer and it may affect your cardiovascular health, your energy levels, your memory, your mental health and your immune system.
Survive…
We all have an instinctive drive to survive. When we find ourselves in a perpetually anxious state, this drive is reduced to fulfilling the most basic of needs to get through each day. Therefore, if what we did previously made us feel a bit better and we are still alive today, we are likely to do it again. It is this natural impulse that causes problems such as alcohol dependence, smartphone addiction, overeating and other destructive behaviours.
…and thrive
What if we could take our drive to survive and bring it to our ability, as humans, to innovate? The drive to survive then becomes a drive to thrive, and we can work out the actual best way forwards, rather than the behaviour which might ease our pain briefly, only for it to return, unresolved and heightened. This can be done by 1) retraining the brain to notice the positive, by 2) practising the visualisation of good outcomes, and by 3) giving ourselves proper, quality time to unwind and relax, without constant distractions. All three of these conditions are met in a Solution Focussed Hypnotherapy session. It could be the next step that you are looking for.
Rebecca Bartholomew, 3 November 2021
